Tender Mercies!

After the day we had the other day, we were thankful it was MLK day and Lori had invited us down to come play for the day.  We headed down there and knew Dylan would spend the majority of his time swimming, which he did!  I think that was a big comfort and stress relief for him because he woke up this morning and didn't put up any sort of fight to get ready for school!  When we got down there Lori gave me this article that Grandma Lucille had copied for me and thought I should read it:

https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1906&dat=19930904&id=LPkfAAAAIBAJ&sjid=OQIFAAAAIBAJ&pg=4961,191448&hl=en
Here is a link to a different newspaper, same article

Can you say, "wow, I needed to see this!"  This really spoke to me and I see so many things in that article that fit our situation.  I don't know that I was specifically chosen to be Dylan's Mother for the reasons it says in here, because I am a huge let down in the way I handle it.  I know there are people in much worse situations and handle it with a smile on their face and accept what they have been given.  I respect them!

 The part about not sure if she even believes in God.  Well, let me be honest(and Brandon doesn't even know this) but I have had my doubts lately and I absolutely hate this feeling.  I used to just know there was a God and life was great!  This person in our old neighborhood requested me as a facebook friend awhile ago.  Apparently, he was struggling with this and was posting all sorts of stuff on his facebook page.  For some reason one day, something just clicked and I thought "what if there isn't really a God."  No I have not read into anything and I deleted him from Facebook because I can not deal with the constant things he puts on there and the doubt that he has now created in my mind.  I don't want my children to go through this because it is awful.  Reading that particular part in here that said, "But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."  And the timing of this being shown to me was perfect and as some say a "Tender Mercy."  I know that He is there and I just need to put my doubts aside and have faith.  I need to know that things will not always be perfect but just do the best I can and let Him take it from there.

Brandon read this and laughed because the "Guardian Angel" part(I think any way) and that was the part of the article he didn't see being accurate.  That says a lot about how he sees the way I handle things.  Although, I believed somewhat the same things and didn't think I was "guardian angel" material.  It opened my eyes and made me realize I really need to step up.  If my husband thinks I can handle things better and be a better person then I really need to figure it out.  After he read my last post, he said I was "airing out my dirty laundry and making him look bad."  That is not my intentions because he is a great guy/husband/father but we just handle things differently and because of that sometimes we expect more.  In my case, I expect more help and in his case tuning things out helps take the stress off.  I am not saying he is wrong or doesn't deserve that but I just needed to get my feelings out and am pretty much counting this as a journal, so there you go.