To The Moon and Back

Brandon and I have really liked Luke Bryan's music since I was pregnant with Desi and so Brandon had his eye out for when he came to Utah.  Lucky for us he just came here and so we went and it was amazing!  Brandon is more obsessed with him than I am and is constantly looking him up on the internet and that is no lie, ha ha.

Any way, he came out with this new album and as I was listening to it the song "To the Moon and Back" came on and for some reason made me think of Dylan, of all people.  I think the words, Tears-Smiles, Clear- Muddy, Good- Ugly, Blue-Black, Crazy &Different- More of the same, Coast is Clear-Hurricane, etc and then I'll Be Right Beside You and To the ends of the Earth To the Moon and Back really stuck out.  As hard as this life is there is no way I could ever give up on my Dy-Dy!  

I have had several people say to me that they know someone with Autism and now that they are older you can't really tell!  I think "Great that gives me so much hope for his future!"  But then I also think, "I don't want him to be "normal" when he is older because he is a child and he deserves a good childhood, what about that?"  I remember reading(probably someones comment in the facebook group) that someone that has had that experience and was disappointed in the childhood they had because of this disability.  I don't want Dylan to look back on his life and one day look at me and tell me that he had a sad childhood.  That would literally kill me on the inside.

I think back to my childhood and the memories I have with my brothers and cousins!  I want Dylan to have that with his siblings and cousins!  The truth to this is I don't really have much of a relationship anymore with one of my brothers, so what if this happens to my children and Dylan never gets to look back and remember the fun times.  I want him to know that we are doing what we can to help fulfill that great childhood wish I have for him! We may not succeed but at least I can say I tried!

Playground Troubles!

Do you have one child, more than the others, that you would love to wrap up in a million miles of bubble wrap so that nothing happened to them(in my case, no head bonks)?  Dylan is my child and I am pretty sure I was probably my parents child because of my seizures, but I would love to never have to worry about Dylan hitting his head again.  I am not saying I don't care about my other children but if they bonk their head I just expect them to get up and shake it off and be on their way, no real concern(unless of course I could tell it was really serious then I would treat it as such).

Those exact thoughts ran through my mind tonight: "Why is Dylan the one falling off the monkey bars?  PLEASE do not land on your head?  Why couldn't it be one of the others?"  This may be sad to admit, but as I turned to see Dylan grab hold of the monkey bars, while I was on the opposite side of the playground asking Brielle to keep an eye on Desi because Dylan was on the other side and I needed to go over by him,  and took off because I knew it would not end well.  As I started bolting over he fell.  Those were my thoughts and boy was I thankful when he landed on his thigh and NOT his head.  He fell and landed awkwardly but most of the pressure had to be on his thigh and then he used his arm too and once that was over he face planted it! His head had been saved and that helped my anxiety more than anything.

I quickly picked him up and walked over to Brielle to have her grab Desi so we could go.  Brandon called to say Boston's game was over and so I told him what had happened.  Dylan just kept crying and seemed a little confused about what had happened, but I hadn't really assessed him to see what was going on.  By the time we got to Brandon and Boston, I put him down for a minute and he was able to stand but didn't really want to.  I gave him some water because his tongue was white and I think his body was in shock.  So we put him in the car and headed home.  Once we got home we started checking him over.  I noticed he kept grabbing the middle of his left forearm and really did not want to use it.  For the next 45 minutes we watched and pulled and twisted his arm and checked his legs and hips to see what we should do.  He kept crying out occasionally and seemed to be in pain.  That is what makes this so hard, because he can not tell us where he hurts or if he hurts or anything, so we have to play the guessing game.  There was no swelling but the fact that he kept crying and holding his arm we thought we should have him checked.

By now it was a little after 7 and the Instacare in Payson closed at 8 so we headed over there.  Brandon gave him the binky to calm him down and we were on our way.  I asked Brielle to kind of grab his arm and see how he acted and at first he didn't want her to touch it, but then all of a sudden he started using it and by the time we got to the Instacare he seemed ok.  We sat outside playing with his arm and shaking it and twisting it and he seemed alright, so we decided to hold off on the Dr visit.  We think he is a pretty tough boy and so for him to cry like he was is what concerned me, but then the binky is his source of comfort so he may have just been so worked up and the fall could have been so traumatic for him that he was scared, but having the binky eased his fear.  That or the binky blocked out his pain!  We will see how he is in the morning and go from there, but once we got home he was running around and seemed to be himself again.

Dylan is definitely my child that I need a million miles of bubble wrap for though!!! If he could go the rest of his life never getting hurt, I would not complain!  I know he is a little boy and he was just doing something someone his age should but still I would much rather this not happen.  Or if he would at least wait until I was there to help him.

Home Depot EMERGENCY!

A few weeks ago Dylan figured out how to open a window in the basement and the screen isn't in there very tight, so he pushed right through it and loves to keep doing it.  I have been a nervous wreck for the time he figures out the one in his bedroom, but luckily it was a little harder to open.  Until last night!

I went to a Kindergarten Literacy Night thing for Boston's class and came back home around 7.  Brandon greeted me by saying he has some good news, some bad news and some terrible news and which did I want to hear first.  I went straight for the Terrible news, of course.  That terrible news was that Dylan had figured out how to open his window.  I immediately said  to load up the kids so we could go get some sort of window locks, because knowing how Dylan is he would be out that window in no time once we put him in his room for the night.  I already checked his window 10 times every night(maybe not that many but I keep looking to make sure he is in his room) so I would be a nervous wreck if we put him in there knowing he had figured out the window.  In case you are wondering the good news was the kids were bathed and the bad news, I don't remember because the terrible news was on my mind ha ha.

We loaded the kids up and went to Home Depot and laughed as we walked in because if there was a "People of Home Depot" page like the Walmart page, we would have been on it.  The kids in their pajamas and their hair in their face from washing and brushing the hair.  We looked like we fit right in at the store, ha ha.  Or we stuck out like a sore thumb is more like it!  We asked a worker where to find such device and he guided us down the aisle.  Another worker was there and made some type of comment and Brandon mentioned we had a small emergency.  I quickly turned around and explained our emergency and he laughed but also understood the importance of why we were there and helped us find what we were looking for!

We got home and put it right on and we had a peaceful night!  However, I still get nervous and checked at least 3 times to make sure the window was in tact!  I always check on him before I go to bed and make sure he is safe inside his room and that he is in a comfortable position!  Hopefully this last a while and he doesn't figure it out any time soon!

Preschool 2015

Dylan has started preschool and LOVES it!  I have to get him out of the van at least 3 times every morning because he wants to go but the problem is, he rides the bus!  Once the bus is here he runs right to it with the biggest smile on his face!  I am glad he loves it so much because I love it too!  Not because he is gone and I get some time to get things done and to take a nice big breath of fresh air, but because I know he is where he needs to be!  I don't have the time, patience, motivation or dedication to sit with him and work with him constantly like I am supposed to.  Instead, I spend my time following him around, getting him out of places he shouldn't be or cleaning up messes from when he was in something he shouldn't have been in.  At school he is getting all the help that he needs to progress and so I would much rather him be there for his sake!

The preschool is an Autism based preschool through the school district and it is 5 days a week and all day(school hours)!  My old college roommates Mom is his teacher, Sherry Heelis, which I couldn't have been more excited to find out.  Last December when he started I was a nervous wreck because that is a long time for a little kid to be gone, but once Brandon and I walked into the meeting and I saw her, things were so much better.  She has a son, probably the first person I ever met that was Autistic, that is in his mid 20's so I knew she would be able to handle Dylan and that he was going to be in a great place.  There are 3 Aides, one which was there last year and I absolutely loved, and two new ones.  The awesome thing is that they typically have 8 students but shouldn't have more, so it is a small class.  However, all the kids except Dylan have gone on to Kindergarten, so he is the oldest this year and since he is the oldest I am having him go the full day rather than picking him up half way.  They are starting out with 4 kids, which is AMAZING, in my eyes at least, because that means that each child will basically have 1 person working with them all day.  In October they are getting a set of twins, so there will be 6 kids, but still will be great!

The thing I hate about not picking him up is that I don't talk to his teacher on a daily basis and so I don't get the feedback I was getting last year.  I can only hope that he is being good and keep checking daily to see if I have any notes, but none so far, which means he must be behaving himself, ha ha.  The fact that he wants to get on the bus everyday is also a good sign that he is loving it!  I can't wait to see what changes we see in him and I give these teachers all the credit in the world!  I have so much respect for them to choose this career because I know I couldn't do it.  I can't even help my own child so I need them more than they will ever know!

The Fun Continues!

He put a hole in the wall by pulling back the gliding chair and letting it go.

So after the other days fun at McDonalds, things just continued on the same path the following day.  We woke up, but I slept through my alarm and it seems if I am not up and ready before the kids wake up, the day does not go well.  So I got up and got them breakfast, luckily Brielle and Boston have alarm clocks or we would have been in trouble, and got Brielle's lunch ready for the day.  I figured I was good to run and get dressed and ready in between running back and making sure things were going ok.  After a few minutes, Brielle comes in and tells me that Dylan made a big mess and I immediately knew what that mess was going to be, spilled sugar(powder sugar.)  When I had went to check on them I didn't see Dylan but figured he had gone downstairs and knew he was in the house somewhere because we bought latch hooks and have installed them on all the outside leading doors and I knew that I had locked them.  I remember noticing the pantry door was closed and I hadn't locked it with the latch but figured it was fine.  Anyway, that is what mess I walked out too because another thing Dylan likes to do is go in there and close the door behind him, which he must have done.  Powder sugar was everywhere along with a trail from where he had walked.

I was trying to decide if I had time to sweep it up before we headed to take Brielle and Boston to school or if I would just wait and start the clean up when we got home.  Meanwhile, I am yelling at Brielle and Boston to get dressed because it was time to go.  Boston is slow sometimes and I had to tell him over and over and then finally he was dressed and time to go.  They ran out, got on their bikes and I followed behind with the younger two in the stroller.  As we got to school I realized I never did Boston's hair, but luckily I had just cut it so it was short enough that it didn't really matter and you can't necessarily tell that I am a horrible Mom ha ha.

My little helper

We got back and I started "Operation Clean Up" which took me from 9 to a little after 10:30 and I had to mop the floor a couple times since it was so sticky.  We still had about 45 minutes until it was time to get Boston so I got the kids to go downstairs.  Before I knew it Dylan had gone back upstairs and within me cleaning up the first mess and now had been a good 10 minutes.  I all of a sudden heard something spilling on the floor upstairs and took off to find what mess I had waiting for me now.  Their was an entire bag of chocolate chips spilled on the carpet and Dylan had another bag he was just getting opened.  I had a few, ok A LOT, of choice words that came out of my mouth as I grabbed the other bag from him.  Out of anger I slammed it down on to the table, only to have it rip open and another entire bag of chocolate chips now all over the kitchen as well.  I wish I could be one of those Mom's that keeps her cool when it comes to this but I AM NOT.  I really am surprised my children do not have a potty mouth because of me!  I was so mad, mainly because I had just spent all morning cleaning one mess and now there was one more, but it was about time to go get Boston.

I figured this mess could wait until we got back and it was time to go so I could bawl and cool down at the same time!  Desi saw me crying and said, "Dy Dy sad."  I think she knew Dylan made me sad and then she went and told him, "NO Dy Dy!"  We walked to the school and waited for little Bos to come out.  As he walked out to me, he was pulling at his pants like they were about to fall off.  So I made a mental note to tighten them up when we got home!  However, when he got to me I started laughing and realized: The horrible Mom that had sent him to school without doing his hair had also let him go to school with his pants on backwards!  I had been so consumed with the big mess, that I never realized they were on wrong.  I am sure his teacher was wondering what was going on, ha ha.

On the way home I had told Bos about the mess waiting for us, he was so excited to see it.  He of coursed wanted to help by eating the chocolate chips!  He also helped me vacuum some of them up!  By this time, I am completely exhausted and burnt out and ready for the day to be OVER!  Luckily for me, Brandon and I had plans for later on that night to go to the Luke Bryan concert!  That could not have came on a better day/week because it was a very testing week for me.  We loved the concert and it was a nice break from reality!

Then today I went to work to help out and I get this picture from Brandon and it instantly melted my heart!  This is the best picture I have seen of Dylan in a long time and I could see my little boy in it!  I see him coming out of this fog and that I am going to have him back, still being the little shit he has always been but by choice and not because he doesn't understand what he is doing.  This picture gives me hope, which I have been losing a bit lately.  I just need to keep pushing and know that he is just as confused and frustrated as we are and he needs me to be there for him.  I LOVE MY BUBBER BOO!

On a positive note:  I do feel that he is starting to comprehend even more.  When he is climbing on something and you tell him to get down 8 out of 10 times he listens.  When he gets something and runs off, I tell him to bring it to me and I will open it.  He usually comes over to me.  If I am busy and he brings me something, I tell him to take it to Brandon, he does!  He has started to play with the kids in the evening more!  Him and Brielle have a little game where they jump from the slide to the tramp and he holds his hand out for Brielle.  She takes it and he jumps.  He will even wait for her sometimes if she is not right there.  We went to the mall today and let them play on the playground.  I watched him slide down this little bridge thing and then went to climb back up, but there were already kids waiting to slide down.  He got down, walked around and waited patiently in line until it was his turn.  So with all this negative, I am seeing positive and hopefully we will see more and more.

Dylan did decide to cuddle with me for a bit, that is VERY RARE

We have also scheduled Round 2 of Stem Cells for the first week of November!  We are really hoping to see more with this round because of others experiences.  A lot of people think the healing is happening on the inside first and so there could be some major things happening but we don't know.  I also need to learn to make us all eat healthy, myself included, because that seems to be the people that are seeing the biggest gains.  Wish me luck!!!! That is not an easy task for me!!

My biggest nightmare!

Since Dylan likes to take his diaper and clothes off, I have always been very nervous of taking him to kid play areas like McDonalds.  I am always afraid he will poop and decide to strip down when he is somewhere I can't immediately get to.  Well lets just say that happened today plus some!

Boston had his first day of Kindergarten today and we all had the stomach flu the two days prior so I decided to be a spontaneous, fun Mom(the Mom I like to think I was pre-autism) and take the three younger kids to McDonalds.  It started out a little rough and as I was standing in line to order, Dylan kept throwing himself down and throwing fits.  I couldn't let him go play because he has been known to go eat off random peoples trays when he is hungry and I knew he was hungry, so I had to keep him by me.  Desi has gotten to the point that if she has a binky and Dylan is throwing a fit or being "sad" she will just give him the binky.  She knows it comforts him and she is such a nice sister!  When I got up to the cashier, she mentioned how that was so cute of her to give him the binky! I just laughed ha ha.

We get our food and everything goes well, other than every 30 seconds or so I have to tell Dylan to get off the back of the seat or out of between the window and the seat, and sit down to eat.  He did actually sitand do as I said everytime, so there is the positive of this story!  Boston went and played with a new school/church friend that happened to be there and then Desi went off and started playing.  Dylan stayed by me and then started throwing everything away, so I took that as he was ready to go, but then he decided to play too.  Boston's friend left and I told him we would go in a few minutes also.

As I was watching them play, a lady turns around and asks how I am doing and tells me my kids are so cute.  She is talking to me like. I should know who she is, but it wasn't until she mentioned the name Brett, Brandon's friend, that it clicks who she is.  It was Brett's sister Rachelle, who was a couple years or so younger than me, so. I knew who she was right then.  We talk for a bit and. I mention that Dylan is Autistic and so I am always nervous about him taking off and have to keep a good eye on him.

  Not 5 minutes later I look up at the top and can see Dylan going for his pants!  I begin freaking out and yelling for Boston, because then he is going for his diaper and who knows what is in that diaper! I run towards the stairs and think about climbing up, but then knowing my almost 2 year old is down at the bottom and I can't just leave her.  I look over at Rachelle and say, "This is my biggest fear(nightmare)! I keep yelling for Boston and look up to find him by Dylan!  I tell Bos to get Dylan's diaper and pull his pants back up.  I keep yelling to pull his pants up, because who knows who is going to turn me in for my childs "indecent exposure."  I could tell(although not see what was going on) that Boston was up there really working and trying to figure out how to handle the situation.  Finally Boston starts to pull Dylan's pants up and Dylan helps and goes on his way.  I am fearing what mess I am going to find!

Boston comes down with the diaper but no Dylan.  He hands it to me and I immediately see a diaper full of poop and close it before anyone else saw and had more eyes staring at me.  It wasn't diarreah but it wasn't hard formed poop either, so I was nervous of what was waiting up there.  I tell Boston to get Dylan and get him down because we need to go.  Rachelle's friend offers to have her son help, but he wasn't much bigger than Boston so I told her Dylan is a strong kid and I didn't want him to get hurt, but Thanks.  She asks me about Dylan and so I fill her in super quick!  Then. I seen Dylan and grab him.

Luckily he came down clean! Nothing on his clothes minus what was under his pants that didn't get wiped off his butt and nothing on his hands!  I knew we had a clean diaper removal and asked Boston who told me only poop was in the diaper.  Seriously without Boston and the way he handled this, it could have been HORRIBLE! I am super proud and impressed with. Boston! So  I pick up Desi(facing outward) and have my usual death grip on Dylan and we head to get desi's shoes.  As I bend down to grab her shoes she throws up everywhere!  More eyes staring at me, but honestly I was so wrapped up in the moment I didn't care what people were thinking!  I think I was holding Desi to tight and squishing her belly and that made her throw up, but she still had diarreah from the flu so maybe I just exposed the rest of. McDonalds with the second round of stomach flu(she has yet to throw up again so. I think it was my tight hold). Rachelle and her friend say they can watch my kids while I grab something to clean up, so I hand Dylan's hand to her and tell her to just hold him tight and run and grab napkins and let the workers know.  As I am heading back to clean some lady is leaving with her grandchildren and says, "Today is not your day!"  Probably extremely disgusted with me too!

I clean up most of the throw up and then the McDonalds workers are right there and start to clean up the rest.  I thank Rachelle and her friend and am on my way.  Without them and Boston's help this could have been bad, very very bad!  I would not have handled it close to the way I was able to handle it today and I probably will not be going to McDonalds for a very long time.  Not that I am embarrassed because. I don't really give a shit about what happened, but it was NOt a fun experience and. I would rather avoid it at all costs!  We will just stick with somewhere where Dylan can play within an arms reach at all times!

Restore Update

So I have been giving Dylan the supplement Restore for  2-3 weeks, something like that, and I do have to say he has very soft skin now!!!  I know that doesn't sound like a lot but if you have been around Dylan and know how his skin has been in the past, you know this is a BIG DEAL!  His belly has felt like he was a lizard or something along those lines.  He always felt dry and scaley and was constantly itching.  I just want to keep hugging him and feeling his soft silky smooth skin because it is that soft.  Hopefully Restore is helping clean out all the junk in his body and helping it move along and out like it is supposed to.  He has seemed a little more responsive lately too and I feel he is trying to talk but nothing new there yet.  But I can't say how much this soft smooth Dylan means to me!